Well - here I am at 9:20 pm - just trying to sort through my day - my head is kinda foggy and not sure my words will run very smoothly. (Plus I am drinking wine and that doesn't always help)!!
Shit - shit - shit!!! My visit to the doctor didn't go very well unfortunately. Pathology results showed that the tumour was quite large, 6.6 cm and in the shape of dumbbells on the outer quandrant of the breast - the lymph nodes that were removed at the time of the surgery and which tested negative on the flash freeze, were now confirmed as positive per the pathology results. So as you can imagine - things didn't go as I had hoped. The cancer was quite invasive and had spread to the chest wall. There is ongoing pathology testing of the tissue to look at other areas. The fact that the tumour was more than 5 cm means chemo and radiation for sure. 6 - 8 sessions of chemo (1 every three weeks) and 5 weeks of radiation - every day, 5 days per week.
Lobular cancer is not something that is easily detected - it is difficult to read on a mammogram and is 'sneaky'. There is some discussion in the cancer world now about whether or not a flash freeze is the way to go when dealing with lobular cancer - because obviously the answer is not always there and it is difficult on the patient to get good news one day and then be told later that the information was incorrect. They are constantly learning and I guess through patients like myself, as I become part of the statistics, the answers will come. So please - if you see the slightest change in your breast - check it out!!
The outcome of the results mean that I have to have more surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes under my left arm. Surgery will take place in approx two weeks, with another six weeks of healing before they can start the chemotherepy. I will have to also have cat scan on chest, stomach and pelvis, plus a bone scan. Surgery will take place at Womens College Hospital and so I will have to do another pre-op - blood work etc. So appointments and more appointments coming up. I am pretty devastated. That was my biggest fear - that I would have lymphodema in the arm and it would swell and that my hand would swell and that I might have to wear an elastic stocking on my arm. I just dread the thought. But what can I do? I have to move forward and take it one day at a time.
The good news for today is that the drain is out - yipee!! It was almost like a friend - I took it with me wherever I went - but it was starting to come out on its own and it then becomes ineffective. So the nurses, Frances and Maggie, will be disappointed when I tell them the doc took it out - they were looking forward to doing it - Maggie being the trainee and wanting some practice. Oh well - too bad for them!
I woke up feeling emotional today - cried for no reason on a couple of occasions. I guess I should have been prepared for bad news, but I wasn't - I was feeling very positive and feel like have been hit with a plank of wood (Goerge would say 2 by 4).
I had Nicole and Maureen with me, thank goodness, someone with a level head to ask the questions that wouldn't come into my mind. Thanks so much to them for being there with and for me.
The ink would be smudging if I was writing with pen and paper - the tears can't seem to stop - but tomorrow is another day. Plus we drove through a rainbow on the way home and we felt it was a good sign - no pot of gold - but hope (like my hydrangea).
J
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