Getting ready for the next part of this journey

Hi folks - it has been a while since I have written.  I haven't felt the best, so nothing much to write about other than complaining and I didn't want to do that.

The big birthday came and went (March 20) - Maureen and Bruce came down for a visit and it was nice to see them.  We have pushed family celebration out to next month sometime because I just didn't feel the greatest - couldn't enjoy a good meal, or have the stamina to go out anywhere.  So we will do it later.  However, I received many birthday wishes from friends and family and beautiful flowers - so it was a good day.  I certainly don't like being a senior citizen though - although I might feel differently once I receive a cheque from the Government (OAP) lol.

As far as starting to feel better, I am taking things in baby steps and am grateful when I  can accomplish a task I have set for myself.  The mouth sores have gone - the eyes are not watering quite as much (still can't put my eyeliner/mascara on), my appetite has come back somewhat, but taste buds not quite there yet.  I managed to get around the grocery store yesterday, however, had to have a rest before bringing them in from the car.

Today I went to have some bloodwork done and then went to a medical store to look at compression sleeves for my arm - the lymphedema seems to have gotten worse over the last few days and my left arm and hand/fingers have swollen quite a bit.  So that is a worry for me.  Anyway the lady I spoke with recommended I see a therapist who specializes in lymphatic massage/drainage etc. first and gave me a name.  I called when I got home and Jason will be coming to the house tomorrow for a consultation.  So we will see if he can do anything for me - I don't want it to get any worse.  I thought it was great that he comes to the house also.  He will measure my arm etc. for a sleeve and come up with some treatment options.

Radiation treatment starts on Wednesday, daily for six weeks (except for weekends) - so the journey continues .......   I am not sure what to expect - people tell me it might make me tired - I probably won't know the difference.  Scared it is going to burn badly after so many treatments - but perhaps I am letting my mind get the better of me.  We shall take it one day at a time.

It has been 4 weeks since my last chemo and it definitely threw me for a loop - however, I am slowly getting my appetite back and my strength - but have to limit my activities.  I am anxious now for the hair to start growing back in and the eyelashes to thicken up again - still the fuzz at the moment!!  Perhaps I am rushing things!!

So that is where I am at the moment - it is a full time job managing one's health.

It has helped tremendously having all the support from everyone - I do appreciate it.

J

Radiation appointment

It is Friday night - I had a long nap today, so up quite late, so thought I would update you all.

Had my planning appointment at the radiation centre today.  Dragged myself there for a 10:00 am appointment - up and at 'em early for me this morning!!  They spent about 1 hour with me marking my breast area with dots and measuring etc. in preparation for when they do the radiation treatment.  They were a very thorough team - double checking everything - making sure that where I was on the table was noted, where my arm needed to be, tattooing the breast area so that they know exactly where they will apply the radiation.   I told them I wanted a Cancer Vixen tattoo, but all I got was the dots!!

Maureen was with me - she came down yesterday - my guardian angel!  She makes sure I eat and drink and take the meds.  I finally conceded to filling a prescription for an antibiotic for my cough - I thought it was getting better, but seems like it is back today - ears hurting also - so hopefully the meds will do the trick.

Eating is still difficult for me - slowly getting taste back a little bit - but no interest in food at all - and I need to eat to get my strength back - so it is a battle.  Getting the fluid in me, the food and the meds is a full time job!!

Nicole arrived this evening, so nice to have the help over the weekend.  She keeps me in line!!

So folks - it is just 'time' - time is all I need to get well - perhaps I am rushing things and expecting too much - but being patient isn't working for me.  Chemo affects everyone different and of course there are many different drugs for different people.  This hit me particularly hard unfortunately, so I have to take my punishment and get on with it.  So looking ahead to some nice weather and some vitamin 'D'.

It is the weekend - Happy St. Patrick's day everyone - I might even sneak in some green beer tomorrow - to heck with the antibiotics - can't feel any worse!!!!  As long as I don't have to walk anywhere I can sit in a bar!!!  :)  Just won't be doing the Irish Jig this year!!

Well - goodnight - let's see what tomorrow brings!!

J

The battle rages ....

It has been a bad day - just want to sleep.  Husband thinks I have 'given up' - he doesn't know what is going on inside of me.  He is resentful of my time 'inside my head' - we are having difficulty communicating.  Perhaps time for him to have 'group therapy' - wonder if that will ever happen!!!

Slight fever today - I know I need to get to the hospital.  I did call the nurse, but she didn't respond yet.  I will get up early tomorrow and head out to Emerg.  don't want to find myself spending the night in the waiting room if I go now.  It is hard for me to talk because of the mouth sores.  My nails have started to lift from the nailbeds, red blotches on my hands and fingers I have developed a cough.  I guess just need some reassurance at this point - I am very emotional and just want this over.  Ankles are good though - slim for once in my life!!

I need to call my GP to set up a bone density appointment - they need to have a starter line before radiation treatment - also have to get some multi-vitamins in me - when you are feeling so crappy it is hard to think about all this other stuff - I had better start taking care of business.

Feeling sorry for myself as you can see -