Last Day

It has been a busy day!

My last radiation appointment was at 9:30 this morning - 30 days of radiation treatment - I have a lovely tan in the oddest shape on my left side!!!  It is peeling, blistering and even bleeding a bit this morning - and apparently it will be worse before it is better - but I AM DONE!!!!

I did my little happy dance and hooted and hollered and skipped my way down the hallway out of that place, well tried to skip but the arthritis in my knee wouldn't let me do it properly!!  Don't get me wrong, they make it as pleasant as possible - always coffee, juice and cookies available - sometimes you get served by the volunteers and sometimes you help yourself - but it is pleasant surroundings and very clean and organized.  Everyone is very cordial and friendly and they make it as pain-free as possible.  So here's a big thanks to the staff of the Oshawa cancer centre for their courtesy and kindness and care.

My daughter took me out for breakfast to celebrate - we went to Cora's and it was really good - lots of fresh fruit so I felt I was eating healthy.

Later in the day I had the pleasure of getting together at a girlfriend's home for a Finance Department 'last day of treatment' celebration.  It was so good to see everyone and we really had a great time sitting in the sunshine chatting and drinking wine.  We had a delicious lunch and I feel very blessed to know such awesome people.  I miss them all.  Thank you so much girls.

I want to give a big thanks to:

- my husband, for his love, patience and constant support (even on the bitchy days - me, not him!)
- my children, who encouraged me and kept up my spirits, wouldn't let me get down on myself and kept me strong.  Nicole who researched everything and made sure she was in control in her own way - Brandon who made me laugh and who cooked for me the best burger I ever ate.
- Tamara, Brandon's girlfriend, who checked in on my often via facebook and who was a great support
- my girlfriend Maureen (my sister) who was with me every step of the way - held my hand, cried with me laughed with me.   Who made me take my medicine and drink the water.  Who kept me on the right track when I couldn't remember what the doctors had told me and who checked in with me every day.
- my 2 sisters in England, who kept tabs on me through Skype and knew when I didn't call them that it wasn't the best of days and were always relieved when my face popped up - who praised the bald head and encouraged me to be 'just me'!  Thanks to Bev for her visit - taking time away from her job and livelihood to spend time with me - just the girls, hanging out, being sisters.
- the two muskateers, who have supported and covered for me during my absence, who brought food, who have given me a boost when most needed and have been there every step of the way.
- my boss, who has been more than patient and understanding during my absence
- my colleagues and co-workers who have been so supportive and kind, being generous with their prayers and friendship and food!! :)
- my neighbours who were there for us when we needed them, who took out the garbage and brought the recycling boxes back up the driveway
- Suzanne, whose emails I looked forward to for encouragement, laughter and strength
- everyone else that has supported and encouraged and prayed for me during this journey - the list is too long to mention everyone (plus with Chemo brain I might miss someone)!!

Please know that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and it is because of your support that my spirits have been high for the most part and my attitude has been positive.

I don't know what the next weeks/months will bring - but my aim is to get fully better and enjoy the summer and get my life back to normal.

Cancer Vixen signing off for now
Jeaninne

Two More

Hi - it's Wednesday and just back from Treatment.  Two more boosts to go and then I am done.  I am definitely done to a crisp and this radiation is the gift that keeps on giving - it keeps burning after the fact and they tell me that 10 days after I am finished it will be at its worst.  So things are pretty red and tender now, so I am expecting the worst.  I am soaking with salt and water and have an antibiotic cream, but there isn't much you can do about it - they want me to sit with my arm up and keep the area clear and dry - right!!!  lol    Everyone keeps asking me if I need to go to the bathroom when I have my arm up like that!!
So pretty hard for me to do much when I am sitting around like that.  Crazy!!

Met a woman this week who had her last appointment and is finally released from the hospital after 5 years of being cancer free.  She was so pleased.  I was celebrating with her and hopefully I will be there one day.

Well it is a lovely day - a bit of rain, but the sun is out again and everything is sooo green.  I love this time of year.  

Enjoy your day everyone.

Love Jeaninne

Getting there

Hi

Just painted my nails for the first time since last August!!  I am losing my nails because of the chemo - and it looks like I have fake ones on and they are in need of a fill!! Oh well - they are red and in need of a fill!! lol

Just 9 more radiation treatments - 4 of the same and then 5 of a boost to the scar area - so I am getting there.  Blistering a bit under the arm and pretty red - but not too much discomfort so far.  I am driving myself to treatment every day, so happy I am able to do that.

I am very excited this week because I see fuzz!!!  Yes, fuzz is appearing on my scalp and so I am hoping that my hair has now decided to come back.  I was worried for a while, because there has been nothing for weeks other than the bits that didn`t fall out. Still waiting for my eyebrows to fill in and my eyelashes - they are pretty sparse.  However, I am grateful that they didn`t fall out completely.

It has been a long journey when I think back - I feel like a bear, hibernating for the winter - and now that it is Spring, I am ready to come back to life; however - difficult to wear my clothes because I am unable to wear my bra because the radiated area is tender and the bra just `rubs`and I don`t want to irritate the area more than necessary.  So my clothing doesn`t look right and shopping for clothes is just a waste of time.  Another month or so and I should be close to healed and ready to face the world.

Wish the weather would warm up - can`t wait to sit on the deck and read and enjoy the garden - to be honest I haven`t really been out in the back garden yet - usually I have checked out the `back forty`before now, pulling the dead stuff from last year - energy isn`t quite there yet.

Hope everyone has a great week - can`t believe we are in May tomorrow.

Well - watching Dancing with the Stars, and so ready to sign off.

J

It's the weekend!

Friday

Just having my coffee and preparing for my visit to the hospital - yeah, last one for the week, I get two days off just like everyone else!! (Sat and Sun)!!

As I was lying on the table yesterday listening to the music - yes they play music while you are being tortured - anyway, I was enjoying Johnny Cash - Burning Ring of Fire...... let it burn, burn, burn etc. and I thought how ironic it was that I was being burned with radiation in that very moment - I laughed to myself and when I mentioned it to the technicians they were mortified and thought perhaps that was not an appropriate song to play during this process!!  I told them not to bother changing it - it was my favourite CD (they have a collection of different tunes) - I figured no-one but me would think about that song in that way.  Anyway - thought I would share that little bit of a funny story.  One has to entertain oneself while lying very still for those 10 minutes or so.

Friend picking me up today to take me to my appointment and then we are going shopping.  Should be fun - nice to get out of the house and the sun is shining - bonus.:


Sunday evening

Busy weekend - wedding shower yesterday and spent the day with my daughter today - so must be feeling better.

I noticed today that the radiated area is now starting to blister up a bit - first time I have looked at it with my glasses on I think - 15 more sessions to go, so imagining the worst - it might look a mess before I am done, however, we shall wait and see.  They told me to do a saline soak - warm washcloth soaked in salted water and laid over the chest - a few times a day.  I shall be lucky to get it done once a day - but will try, if it helps.

Left arm is more swollen than it was - hurts and is heavy - so bothering me quite a bit.  Therapist coming tomorrow for massage and to take the measurements for a compression sleeve - perhaps that will ease things for me.

Hair hasn't started to grow back yet - getting worried - perhaps I am rushing things.  Some of the hair that didn't fall out is growing, but it is quite sparse on the top.  Everyone tells me it will come back, but I think I am getting impatient.

Well - will sign off for now.  Wishing all a great week ahead.

J

Radiation update

Thought I would update you on how the rad. therapy is going.  It is a pain going every day, but each day is one less to go - the therapist reminded me today that I am almost half way through.  I am feeling no real discomfort yet - it is starting to get a little 'pink' and they target quite a large area - so under my arm, more to the side, is starting to get a little tender and tightens up at night - but I can't really complain.  My stamina is still not what it should be and she keeps telling me to take it easy, that they are tiring me out - so I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  I was late for my appointment today - thought it was 2:40 and when I checked it was 12:40 - so I had to call and apologize and then rush to get there as soon as I could.  They are very easy going though I must say.  A student was there this morning as well as the usual team - so I always warn the new people ahead of time before I take my wig off - don't want to scare them!  I usually take it off when on the table because my head wiggles around until we get it into the right spot and I don't want it to become radioactive (just kidding)!!!  

I usually sit in the waiting room for a few minutes afterwards just to pull myself together, I get a bit dizzy getting up from the table and so today, I picked up some of the knitting they have in the waiting room.  They are looking for knitted panels - 10" wide and 40" long to make blankets for the chemo patients - a lot of patients feel cold - I know I did - so if you are a knitter and have spare wool - then get cracking and I will drop them off!!

I drove downtown and spent the day with my daughter yesterday - so that was good.  We went for lunch to our favourite French pastry place in the east end - sat outside (the heaters were on) - but it felt like Spring and was really good to get out and about.  We did a little shopping in the Beaches and then she dragged me to Gerard Square - I managed the Winners quite well but was not prepared to walk around the mall - so I didn't - I sat while she shopped.  Nicole had to pick up baby gifts for someone at her company who had just had a baby girl.  So I was quite happy to sit and let her do the shopping. 

Bought some pansies for the front of the house - now getting them planted is another thing - but nice to see some colour.  I love this time of the year. 

I brought Greek food home for supper so didn't have to cook when I got in and that was a good thing because I was tired.  

So things are starting to look up - I can see the end in sight and hopefully this will be the last of it.  They tell me that the last few radiation treatments are the worst and even a couple of weeks after - that you are very tired and can have some discomfort because that radiation - it just keeps going - like the energizer bunny!!!  

So everyone - thanks for your prayers and support - keep it coming and before you know it I will be as good as new!!

Jeaninne

Very sad day

I lost a friend last night.  She lost her battle with this dreaded disease after a valiant fight.  She was too young and beautiful and it is very difficult for me to comprehend that she is gone.

We planned on getting together recently .... when I got my energy back, or when she wasn't going to radiation - it just didn't happen as we had hoped and I am so sad we were not able to sit down and have tea together.

Angela was ahead of me in her treatment - we had lunch a couple of times while she was going through her chemotherapy (on a good week of course) and she prepared me for what to expect when my time came.  She didn't dwell on the rough spots - just very matter of fact about the treatment.  She prepared me for the pic line in the arm for the chemo - and she prepared me for shaving my head when the hair started to fall out.  She very proudly showed off her bald head and looked beautiful.  We laughed, prayed and hugged and had such hope between us.

I learned that she had been admitted to the hospital on Monday of this week and I knew I had to see her.  I hope I wasn't intruding when I visited her hospital room.  I was able to hold her hand for a few seconds and told her I loved her, and she said 'I love you too'.  I had no idea the end was so close.

My battle continues and I will remain positive and fight on on her behalf.

Angela was very much loved and will be remembered always.  My sincere condolences go to her family and friends.

Jeaninne

It is Tuesday morning - lovely day outside - sun is shining at least, but not sure what the temperature is.

I am feeling so much better than I did - welcoming each improvement.  I am more my old self - much to George's delight!!!  (Delight might be a bit of a stretch - but you know what I mean)!!

Radiation is going ok so far - it only only lasts about 15-20 mins and that includes making sure I am set up in the same spot each time - it has been in the same room, with the same technicians - so it is becoming a routine.  4 down, 26 to go!!  They are usually quite prompt and so not much waiting around.  Appointments are all over the place though - today's is at 5:10!  I will probably be the last patient, so they had better not be too tired!!  lol.  I met a few people yesterday and it is interesting chatting with them and learning their stories - much similar to my own.  I know the radiated spot is going to get burned, but for now, no outward signs.  The lady I spoke with yesterday was saying that it heals and you get through it.  Not looking forward to it, plus the fatigue that everyone says happens - but I am talking weeks now and not months, all being well.  At the moment I can drive myself, so that is good - it is a fair walk for me from the parking garage and so I have to rest in between, but it is good for me to do the walking.

I mostly have my appetite back now and so can enjoy eating again.  There are still a few things I can't get excited about, but at least I am eating and drinking.  I am even enjoying a small glass of wine and I couldn't stand the smell just a couple of weeks ago.

Jason came to the house and worked on my arm yesterday - nice gentle massage to try and reduce the lymphatic fluid  -  he measured the arm before and after and the numbers did come down.   The arm is bothersome - I am best to keep busy then I don't dwell on it - but it is a bit painful at times - the fingertips are numb - not sure if that is from the swelling or the chemo - probably a bit of both.  (But as you can see I can still type!!!)

Hope you are all enjoying the fact that winter is over, I know it has been a little cooler, but the warm weather will come and we will be complaining about the heat before we know it!!  I can't wait!!

Talk to you soon.
Love Jeaninne

Getting ready for the next part of this journey

Hi folks - it has been a while since I have written.  I haven't felt the best, so nothing much to write about other than complaining and I didn't want to do that.

The big birthday came and went (March 20) - Maureen and Bruce came down for a visit and it was nice to see them.  We have pushed family celebration out to next month sometime because I just didn't feel the greatest - couldn't enjoy a good meal, or have the stamina to go out anywhere.  So we will do it later.  However, I received many birthday wishes from friends and family and beautiful flowers - so it was a good day.  I certainly don't like being a senior citizen though - although I might feel differently once I receive a cheque from the Government (OAP) lol.

As far as starting to feel better, I am taking things in baby steps and am grateful when I  can accomplish a task I have set for myself.  The mouth sores have gone - the eyes are not watering quite as much (still can't put my eyeliner/mascara on), my appetite has come back somewhat, but taste buds not quite there yet.  I managed to get around the grocery store yesterday, however, had to have a rest before bringing them in from the car.

Today I went to have some bloodwork done and then went to a medical store to look at compression sleeves for my arm - the lymphedema seems to have gotten worse over the last few days and my left arm and hand/fingers have swollen quite a bit.  So that is a worry for me.  Anyway the lady I spoke with recommended I see a therapist who specializes in lymphatic massage/drainage etc. first and gave me a name.  I called when I got home and Jason will be coming to the house tomorrow for a consultation.  So we will see if he can do anything for me - I don't want it to get any worse.  I thought it was great that he comes to the house also.  He will measure my arm etc. for a sleeve and come up with some treatment options.

Radiation treatment starts on Wednesday, daily for six weeks (except for weekends) - so the journey continues .......   I am not sure what to expect - people tell me it might make me tired - I probably won't know the difference.  Scared it is going to burn badly after so many treatments - but perhaps I am letting my mind get the better of me.  We shall take it one day at a time.

It has been 4 weeks since my last chemo and it definitely threw me for a loop - however, I am slowly getting my appetite back and my strength - but have to limit my activities.  I am anxious now for the hair to start growing back in and the eyelashes to thicken up again - still the fuzz at the moment!!  Perhaps I am rushing things!!

So that is where I am at the moment - it is a full time job managing one's health.

It has helped tremendously having all the support from everyone - I do appreciate it.

J

Radiation appointment

It is Friday night - I had a long nap today, so up quite late, so thought I would update you all.

Had my planning appointment at the radiation centre today.  Dragged myself there for a 10:00 am appointment - up and at 'em early for me this morning!!  They spent about 1 hour with me marking my breast area with dots and measuring etc. in preparation for when they do the radiation treatment.  They were a very thorough team - double checking everything - making sure that where I was on the table was noted, where my arm needed to be, tattooing the breast area so that they know exactly where they will apply the radiation.   I told them I wanted a Cancer Vixen tattoo, but all I got was the dots!!

Maureen was with me - she came down yesterday - my guardian angel!  She makes sure I eat and drink and take the meds.  I finally conceded to filling a prescription for an antibiotic for my cough - I thought it was getting better, but seems like it is back today - ears hurting also - so hopefully the meds will do the trick.

Eating is still difficult for me - slowly getting taste back a little bit - but no interest in food at all - and I need to eat to get my strength back - so it is a battle.  Getting the fluid in me, the food and the meds is a full time job!!

Nicole arrived this evening, so nice to have the help over the weekend.  She keeps me in line!!

So folks - it is just 'time' - time is all I need to get well - perhaps I am rushing things and expecting too much - but being patient isn't working for me.  Chemo affects everyone different and of course there are many different drugs for different people.  This hit me particularly hard unfortunately, so I have to take my punishment and get on with it.  So looking ahead to some nice weather and some vitamin 'D'.

It is the weekend - Happy St. Patrick's day everyone - I might even sneak in some green beer tomorrow - to heck with the antibiotics - can't feel any worse!!!!  As long as I don't have to walk anywhere I can sit in a bar!!!  :)  Just won't be doing the Irish Jig this year!!

Well - goodnight - let's see what tomorrow brings!!

J

The battle rages ....

It has been a bad day - just want to sleep.  Husband thinks I have 'given up' - he doesn't know what is going on inside of me.  He is resentful of my time 'inside my head' - we are having difficulty communicating.  Perhaps time for him to have 'group therapy' - wonder if that will ever happen!!!

Slight fever today - I know I need to get to the hospital.  I did call the nurse, but she didn't respond yet.  I will get up early tomorrow and head out to Emerg.  don't want to find myself spending the night in the waiting room if I go now.  It is hard for me to talk because of the mouth sores.  My nails have started to lift from the nailbeds, red blotches on my hands and fingers I have developed a cough.  I guess just need some reassurance at this point - I am very emotional and just want this over.  Ankles are good though - slim for once in my life!!

I need to call my GP to set up a bone density appointment - they need to have a starter line before radiation treatment - also have to get some multi-vitamins in me - when you are feeling so crappy it is hard to think about all this other stuff - I had better start taking care of business.

Feeling sorry for myself as you can see -

LAST ONE DONE!!!

Yippee - last chemo session done!!!   I wore my red wig and my lippy and went in there giving cancer the finger in my own way!!!  There is a bell on the desk to be rang as people have their last treatment - and I rang that bell with all my might - gave a couple of hoots and said I'm out of here.   Lots of smiles from patients and nurses.  Everyone is so great in there, the nurses and volunteers and maintenance staff.  I met some wonderful people - bonded and shared stuff with other cancer patients and my friend Maureen had been with me every step of the way.  So I can't say it was a bad experience - obviously I would rather have not been there but it is nothing to be afraid of - nothing hurts and the nurses are very caring and will do everything they can to make you comfortable - with the help of the great volunteers as well - warm blankets, juice or a drink of your preference (no gin and tonics of course) - you can eat your lunch - a great facility in Oshawa.

The pic line is out and I can't wait to have a long shower without trying to keep it dry by sticking my arm behind the curtain and scrubbing with one arm - one of the big things I missed.

Had the ice on my hands and feet again to try and protect the nails - apparently it blocks the chemo from hitting the ends of fingers and toes - however, I do see some lifting of my finger nails - but not too bad.  Nurses tell me some people lose their nails altogether - another weird and wonderful side effect.  So I am hoping I can hang on to my nails.  Still hanging on to my eyebrows and eyelashes which has surprised me.  Hopefully this last session want affect them.  The hair should start growing back now - hopefully - can't wait to have the funky short spikey hair - will be fun to play.  I have never had a short haircut in my life.

I am feeling strong at the moment - the steroids being responsible for that - they give them to you the day before chemo and two days afterwards - doubled the dose with this last three treatments 'cos it hits your body harder, so I guess by Thursday or Friday I will start to crash and I am certainly not looking forward to a month of feeling rotten again - but at least I know it is done.

Dr had a nutritionist stop by to see me today during my treatment because I have lost 20 lbs - I know 'silver lining eh' - however, they don't really like to see you losing weight because they need you to keep your strength and if you are not eating, then you are losing muscle mass etc. and depleting other things from your body, at the same time as the chemo is attacking everything as well.  So they like you to eat lots of red meat, iron type veg etc.  But when everything tastes like drywall it is hard to get excited about food.  She told me to eat just the things I really like (who would want to eat things they didn't like - lol) - but for the most part nothing does it - everything tastes the same - weird.

Next milestone is the radiation and I am sure it will not be anything near as hard on the body.  However, it is 6 weeks, 5 days a week, so I am sure it will be a strain travelling back and forth every day - but I will get through it.

Can't believe how the months are going by - I long for my normal life - but I have to tell myself that my health comes first and not to push myself too much, otherwise it will just take longer to get back to normal in the long run.  So I plan on sleeping for the next 3 weeks and then I know I will slowly start to get my strength back.

Love all the support I have had from everyone - and want you to keep it up because it certainly lifts my spirits and let's me know I haven't been forgotten.

So I will keep posting as long as I feel I have something to say.

Love to all.

Jeaninne

Oscar night

Hi everyone - finally checking in.  I am sorry I have not been around for a week or so - feeling pretty crappy so not much to write about.  One day runs into another and no matter what I plan for myself, it never seems to work out because I just don't have the energy.  So a bit of cabin fever going on.

Watching the Oscars tonight with Maureen - she has come down to go to the docs with me tomorrow - day before the last Chemo.  LAST ONE FOLKS coming up!!!  It is a time to celebrate, but not looking forward to the month of recovery.  It has been a rough spell over the past few weeks - very very tired - no stamina!

Had a friend of my daughters visit from Montreal this weekend with her little 4 year old daughter and I have to say it helped to have some distraction.  But they did everything - I didn't have to cook and change bedding etc. so was easy to just visit.

Well - trying to stay awake to see who wins best Actress - loving the dresses - Penelope Cruz my favourite so far, although Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz looked pretty stunning also.

I will keep you posted on how things go tomorrow and Tuesday.

Miss everyone.  Love J

Thursday update

It's Thursday and I wish I could say I was feeling better - but not the case. Started to feel not so well on Friday of last week, but took the medicine I had been prescribed and it definitely helped.  My mouth has not been so bad this time as far as the infection goes, still no taste buds - everything tastes like cardboard - so no interest in food.  But I consider myself ahead because I didn't end up in the ER this time.

Still feeling very weak and headachy.  The oxycoten works for the aches and pains and I just have to bide my time till the immune system starts building itself up again.  I do get impatient though and then the emotions kick in.  George never knows what my mood is going to be like - I told him to expect the worst and then anything reasonable is a bonus !!

Looking forward to the kids coming on the weekend and hearing all about their trip to the UK and see their pictures - will take me away from myself for a while.

Apparently Zoe, their dog, starts obedience training tomorrow - so that will be interesting.  She is such a live wire.  Not sure she is much of a 'listener'!!

I am determined that tomorrow is going to be a better day.

J

The waiting game

Just checking in.  Well so far feeling not too badly after my treatment on Tuesday.  Rinsing my mouth with the 'magic mouthwash' to avoid any infection - took the last of the steroids today, so once they wear off that is when the other stuff usually kicks in - so we will see what the weekend brings.  Hoping it wont be so bad this time.  And every day that passes is one day closer to this being over.  I am confused with the days - thought it was Wednesday today - so once I discovered it was Thursday - it pleased me to think I am one day ahead of where I thought I was!!  

Caught up on laundry today and made a pea and ham soup - so a little productive, but I am bored.  I should have been out and about today enjoying the beautiful weather, but decided not to get dressed today - just one of those days.

I hate this waiting game - I have put the surgery behind me - almost over the chemo - and then the radiation treatment kicks in - 6 weeks, 5 days a week.  That is going to be a bit of a challenge for me going to the hospital every day - but I am hoping it won't be too uncomfortable and that I can get some strength back.

I have developed lymphedema in my left arm and hand - some days it is better than others, but most definately the swelling is there - I hate it.  I will have to get my rings re-sized (or perhaps a new one!!! lol)

Cancer vixen checking out for today.

J

5th Chemo down

Well folks - 5th down and just one more to go!!  Yeah!!

Dr. reduced the dosage this time because of the problems last time, so we will see what happens.  I am armed with medicine ahead of time this time, so hopefully we can beat the 'bad boys' at the pass!!
Hard to believe where the time has gone - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now and know I can get through this.  Radiation next, but trying not to worry about that.  Someone told me about 'udder cream' to help heal the burning from the radiation - so I am looking to get some of that - stuff they use on cows udders!!  Interesting eh!!  I wouldn't care if I had an udder - but it has been removed!!   lol

Maureen here and looking after me - making me drink water - it is coming out of my ears - but hoping to flush out the poison.  I am switching to tonic water and lemon - makes me think I am having a gin and tonic - it is more refreshing than water.  We aren't taking any chances.

Funny who you meet in the chemo waiting room - met a work colleague two treatments ago and yesterday after my dr appointment and while waiting for my drugs to be processed, met an old neighbour - one of the first people who befriended me when we moved to Ajax 38 years ago.  It was good to see them and her memory is definitely better than mine.  We talked about old times and caught up on the children - Sandra was the patient and was there with her husband Dave.  It was her first treatment and of course was a little anxious.  So I was able to calm her nerves a bit and let her know that the care is very good in the chemo room.  It is not the ideal place to meet people, but it just goes to show you that cancer isn't picky who it chooses!

Well - gotta go - thanks for your support and prayers.

J

The last of the Sunshine Basket gifts

Hi everyone

I have been saving some of the Sunshine Basket gifts until 'just the right moment' for me.  Well this morning was a good time - I thought I would spend some quiet time with my sister and open the last basket of gifts.

Well the tears have been rolling and just reminded me again of the goodness of people and how lucky I am to have such good friends.

I hope it isn't considered 'cheating' by opening all the gifts on the same day - but I figured I have waited so you wouldn't mind.

This is what I opened today:

Bubble bath - can't wait to take a long luxurious bath

Bracelet – love it - thank you so much gift giver - you know my taste

Prayer books and words of encouragement - always appreciated

Brownies and Tony Bennet music – sounds like a good afternoon with a cup of tea!  Awesome

Pedicure Nailtique - my local spot - and I really need to go - thank you

Chapters gift card and booklet – I can go and browse and have a coffee while there - sounds great!

Earrings – pink and pretty - thank you

Calendar – don't think I have a 2012 calendar - will be very helpful!  

Gift certificate for spa/pedicure - a new place to try - love it

Bon Apetite card - oooooww - yummy

Winners - $25 - someone knows me and my weaknesses - don't know who to thank for this one.

And lovely cards and notes.

Am I spoiled or what!   This has been the greatest thing - I experienced many emotions while opening the gifts - gratitude, gratefulness, love - it truly humbles me.

It is an emotional day all around today - my sister is leaving to go back to England today - her visit has flown by and I can't believe we are headed out to the airport again - seems no time since she arrived.  We have enjoyed just hanging out and doing a little shopping.  Bev doesn't get out to shop very much in the UK as she has a pub to run and it is 24/7 pretty much, so it was nice for us to browse the stores and for her to stock up on some new tops etc.

So I am going to miss her and hopefully the time in between visits won't be so long next time.

Nicole arrived on Friday night with the two dogs - hers (Steve) and Brandon's dog (Zoe) - Steve is no bother - he is quiet and just plods along - while Zoe is a maniac - she is only 7 months, full of energy and loves to jump and shower you with kisses and chase her tail and get's in to everything.  Good thing we have a back yard and she can run around there and use up some energy.  (Can't wait for them to leave)!!! Dog hair everywhere as you can imagine.  Nic is looking after Zoe while Brandon and Tamara are in the UK on holiday - poor Nic - she has her hands full - Zoe escaped once already (she chewed through her harness) and they hadn't got on the plane yet!!  She'll get a routine going though and get through it.  It is funny really.   I told Brandon I was on the look out for a 'lookalike' dog, just in case this one get's away!!

Well - closing for today - back to the hospital tomorrow for bloodwork etc. and to talk to the doc - we will see what my blood level is whether or not it has improved enough to have the chemo on Tuesday.  I need to type up a list of all the things that happened to me this last time - it will be a long list - I think I had most of the side affects listed.  

Sincere thanks to everyone for all your kindness and support.

Love Jeaninne

Just got up - don't know how I could have slept so long - but I guess I needed it.

It has been great having my sister here - we have had some good laughs and some good heart to heart chats.  We haven't been very far - just pottering around locally - a little retail therapy here and there - more for her than for me.  Apparently she is travelling home 'club class' and with that comes a little bit more luggage weight allowance so she will be fine!  I think we will be looking at shoes today.

It is certainly taking me longer to bounce back this time - I hit the wall in the afternoon, and usually have to force myself to keep going - but normally get a second wind and am good to go.  Bev has enjoyed visiting friends and catching up on everyone's lives.  She hasn't been to see me in about 6 years and so lots to catch up on.

Trying not to think about next week when I have another treatment - but I will be better prepared this time, if one can be!!  The cancer vixen will be facing it head on with the shield and sword in hand!!

Sisters!! Gotta lov em

Hi everyone - well I think I am starting to come out the other side.  It has been quite the journey this last couple of weeks.  I don't think I was dressed more than 2 days during that time - I spent most of the time in bed and generally feeling sorry for myself.  I didn't expect it to hit me so hard since I had been doing so well.  So it was a reminder that chemo is awful and not to be messed with!!!

I am starting to feel better - my sister Bev arrived from England yesterday and it is very good to have her here.  We was up early this morning due to the jetlag and put herself to work - did a little housekeeping and the coffee was ready when I got up.  Nice to have hired help!!

We have caught up on the gossip and did a little shopping today, me sitting - Bev shopping!!  We plan on a stay at home day tomorrow and then going out to dinner with friends in the evening.  Thankfully my stomach has settled down to the point where I can enjoy a meal again.  

I am trying not to think about another treatment next week and just to enjoy this week, doing girlie things and just hanging out.  So watch out Whitby - Bev's here!!

J

Knowing now what chemo is all about

Hi folks - this session has been awful.  Aches and pains, mouth fungus, can't talk because my mouth and throat hurt and just feeling deathly ill.

Spent the day at the hospital Yesterday.  My temperature has raised slightly and when going through chemo they tell you to get to the hospital.  So I tried to avoid it but after talking to the nurse at the cencer centre, she thought it best that I go - one can't take chances with a fever.  So my neighbour Dianne took me in around 2:00 pm and there I was until 8:30 last night.    I couldn't believe how busy it was, never seen it that way before.  Plus I was fast tracked because of the cancer.  Anyway I was eventually seen and needed a chest xray and bloodwork done, and then the wait again.  I was concerned they were going to keep me in and prayed that that was not the case.  Anyway - eventually I got to see a doc and results of the bloodwork etc.  My white cell count had dropped to 1.5 and I believe that is borderline for being admitted and on antibiotics etc.  I was feeling so ill by this time, I didn't care what they did with me.  I had had nothing to eat all day - my stomach was acting up - I just wanted to sleep.  They sent me home telling me to watch the temperature, gave me a mouthwash antibiotic and hopefully I will start feeling better.

Well I slept pretty much all day - no energy whatsoever - got my mouthwash prescription and am rinsing with that - it seems to be helping.  Maureen showed up around 4:00 today and I had just got up for a few minutes.  I was trying to change the bed sheets and so she arrived at the right time.  She is amazing - had been to the hospital with her aunt and is worried about her son and here she is seeing to me.  Her husband just called to check in on her and calls her 'Florence Nightingale' - I had to laugh - it hurts to laugh.

So I just wanted to fill you in before heading back to bed.  If I am not blogging you know I am not up to it.

The Vixen has checked out for now - but she'll be back.

J

It's War against pain

Well, it is Saturday and I have to say this has been my very worst day.  The aches and pains kicked in yesterday and I can't tell you how miserable I have been.  Every joint and muscle throughout my body hurt - the pain just moves from one to the other, my jaw, my neck, knees, hips shoulders - just around and around.  No relief. It feels like a really bad flu.  I have been taking Advil every 4 hours but it barely helped.  I would get a little sleep then awake again not knowing what to do with myself.  George doesn't know what to do with me either.

I got up for a little while today around 3:00 pm and then back to bed around 5:00 pm - I did take some Oxycocet then and slept for a good couple of hours - woke up around 7:00 and felt a little better.  I will take some more oxy before hitting the sack again, don't really want to take it, but it seems to be the only thing that helps.

So - whew - I wasn't prepared for this.  Perhaps the dosage can be reduced for next time.  Will try and keep ahead of the pain for as long as it lasts now.

4th Chemo day

Hi everyone - just checking in

Dr appointment yesterday went fine - they didn't have the blood results for today's appointment, but told me that the last time my blood work was great - the numbers are good and the drug is working well for the ammune system - so she was pleased.  The drugs I am on are FEC-D - something like that.  I started the D part - she told me it would likely affect my joints, with pain and swelling - also might get neuropathy in the hands and feet - tingling and numbness.  Could also affect my nails so they put ice on my hands and feet to try lesson the affects.  They tell you all the bad stuff.  She told me there was a possibility of my hair not coming back in - well I told her I was coming for her if that was the case!!  Nothing that she hasn't told me before.   So I was bracing myself for today - it is what it is.  I am not the only one going through this.  


So today had my 4th chemo treatment and so far so good.  On lots of steroids though and will be for a couple of days - then we will see what happens after they wear off.  The drug was administered intraveniously and took about 2 hours - but no ill effects.  They wrapped my feet and hands in ice packs and so not able to do any knitting!!

Aches and pains are expected but I have them anyway with the arthritis and so I might need to take a couple of stronger pills - but hoping I wont have the stomach symptons or the fuzzy head etc.  I was speaking to a lady today that is having the same treatment as me and her eyebrows or eyelashes have not fallen out yet - she has already had 2 treatments of the 'D' part.  Plus her hair is growing in - she is not having the stomach problems and says this has been much easier on her - so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Also met another lady yesterday - she has colon cancer and has gone through some rough months - but an amazing attitude.  She had a chemo session today also and came over to chat to me once she was done - it is so interesting to hear people's stories - and it just makes you count your blessings when you don't have to deal with what some people have gone through - so another friend made.  It is amazing how people open up when there is a common thread.  Lovely young woman - liked her very much.  She goes every 2 weeks for her treatments, so I will probably meet up with her again on my last chemo treatment - did you hear that - THE LAST CHEMO TREATMENT - yes, just two more to go.  It will be celebration time.  Of course 6 weeks of radiation after that - but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Maureen was with me today and takes good care of me - reminds to me take my pills and has been a great 'breast buddy'!!

George relieved yet another one over - he always get's anxious because he has no control - but when I have a smile on my face, he is happy.  (I put on a good front!!)

Well - as you can see - all is well for now - you will know when I am not myself, because you likely wont hear from me.  But always know I am thinking about all of my friends.

Love to all.
Jeaninne

Laundry Day

Yes it is Saturday night after midnight and the laundry is still going.  Brandon and Tamara showed up last night with three garbage bags and 2 laundry baskets full of dirty laundry - so the machines have been working non stop today.

Of course they really come to visit us ( smiling ).  Other than that, we have had a lazy day.  We were expecting some friends to come from Montreal but they changed their minds because of the weather.  So we have watched tv pretty much all day - movies, football, hockey etc.

I am getting anxious about next week - Monday check up with chemo doctor and Tuesday 4th Chemo treatment.  This past week I have felt good - but it is short lived.  The drugs will be different next time and so I am not sure what to expect.  Wish it was done - but I will face it in the same way as I have done with the rest of them - with a positive and non-defeatist attitude.  Sometimes I forget I have cancer - perhaps this is a survival mechanism - I go through the process of treatment and doctors appointments without really thinking about the reason I am there - sort of robotic in a way.

Enough of that.  Sunday tomorrow - looking forward to watching Downton Abbey on the telly (British Upstairs Downstairs type of show) - if you haven't watched it, you don't know what you are missing.  I just discovered it recently and missed all but the last episode of Season 1 - so now into Season 2 - it is on WNED at 9:00 pm.  Also shown the following Saturday at 11:00 pm.

Well I am off to bed - Brandon thinks because I am old I should have been in bed long since - kids turning into parents!!! lol

Not much to write about these days - sort of the let down after Christmas - winter blues - or whatever you want to call it.

Talk to you soon

J

A normal day

It feels so good to just have a normal day, when you have enough energy to get out of bed and go to an appointment and do the groceries and a little 'Winners' shopping - spending money I shouldn't, but after being cooped up - it felt good.  Had to take a nap when I got home mind you - but hey - not complaining!!!

Took George to the docs this morning and he confirmed the hole in his foot is getting smaller (whoo hoo) - he couldn't tell him how much longer it will take to heal, but it is going in the right direction.  George get's mad at me when I go because I tend to ask questions he might not want this particular doc to know about - since he is a wound specialist.  However, in my mind he is a doc and might have a different take on things.  So we talked a little bit about his knee problems and neuropathy etc. and he was very receptive and in fact gave us a couple of things that might help.   Something for the pain and a series of three injections for the knee - not cortisone - but something like 'lube' for the joint.  So we will see what happens and hopefully it will help.

So - signing off on a positive note for today.

J

Back from the dark side

Happy New Year everyone.


I am up way after my bedtime, but enjoy my alone time.

I am feeling much better the last couple of days.  It was nice to get out for dinner with friends on Friday and enjoyed a 60th birday party on Saturday.

Got the Christmas stuff put away today, thanks to my daughter, and it feels good.  So the living room is sorted, but the rest of the house is a work in process.

So I am half way through the chemo journey - and I can't say it was devastating - as my breast specialist told me (a breast cancer survivor herself|): "it is get throughable"-  and she is right - so far so good.  It is something I would rather not have to go through - but it is the situation I am in and so there is no alternative.  The next step will be the radiation and she told me that "would be a breeze"!!  We'll see!!
I am getting worn down a bit though I have to say - I don't seem to be as feisty as I was in the beginning - I am hoping now that Christmas is over and I can focus on just getting well, then things might be a bit better.

Well I am hoping to enjoy this week and get out and about a bit - do some simple things like grocery shopping - and laundry - both have been neglected this last week or so.

So hopefully I will have some inspiration so that I can write and share.

Talk to you soon.

J