Fabulous Friends

Got up late - had a hell of a night - dreaming the most weird stuff - how is it one can dream about things that one has never seem before or heard of before?  Very scary but George was there to save me as he always has been!!

Feeling a lot better today - no crying!
I had to prepare myself for the onslaught of friends from work - Stephanie, Brenda, Kunpriye, Bibi, Elvira and Denise - all showed up with food and drink and good humour.  It was great - they fed George and I and no cleanup or mess.  It was so great to see them all - we all sat around the dining room table and laughed and learned things about one another.  It doesn't get any better.   Thanks so much girls - love you all. :)

My wonderful daughter called me today and she has been checking up on the lymphodema situation of breast cancer patients.  She knows I am concerned about that and with this second surgery - it might be more of a factor for me.   So her research has found a few people local that do massage therapy for this type of thing and wants me to go and see someone.  Firstly they do a measurement of the arm etc. prior to the surgery and then they have something to measure against afterwards.  So I will certainly look into it - (Coronation Street was on when she called, so I didn't get all the details, but I will talk to her tomorrow and look into it myself)! 

Drs office called me to arrange the pre-op - it will happen on Thursday next week - so I won't be available Thursday and Friday next week.

I was telling the girls today a story about a little girl we met in the hairdressers last week when Nicole was having her hair done.  She had met a lady in the library that is battling cancer and she was telling her she was going to get a wig - well the little girl decided she would cut off her own hair to give to her friend for her wig.  So there she was as perky as can be - delighted to donate her hair for her friend.  The hairdresser cut it off at the nape of the neck and gave her the treatment with a wash and style - she looks fantastic and was thrilled.  She couldn't understand why they couldn't make the wig there and then - but her mother explained they would send it to someone who could do it and make it right.  So cute.  So you see - people are wonderful wherever you go - I think it is the nature of most people to help others - and it doesn't matter what age.

Well for all of you that are getting prepared for the "run for the cure" on Sunday - I am with you and encourage you and will be supporting you every step of the way.  Be careful what you are doing out there - I hope the weather cooperates - it might be cool but probably that's better than hot - so take it easy out there.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart - I never thought I would be in the position to be on the receiving end of this type of event - but I can tell you I am grateful.

Well folks - it has been a great day - I am feeling mello - and no - it isn't the wine.  I have a smile on my face and today I feel blessed and that my life is good.  (Don't make me cry now)!




J

Today is another day - emotional still - but "let's get on with the job at hand".  I heard from the Doctors office today and they want to schedule surgery next Friday - so not as long a wait as I had expected.
No point in waiting around.  I don't have the details yet, but will keep you posted.

I cant believe the overwhelming support and friendship and prayers that have come my way through this illness - I hope you all know how grateful I am.

Visit this evening from Colette and Shirley - food, fellowship (and wine) - nothing better.

Short and sweet tonight I am afraid - still got a couple of phone calls to make and "X-factor" is on!

Somewhere before the Rainbow

Well - here I am at 9:20 pm - just trying to sort through my day - my head is kinda foggy and not sure my words will run very smoothly.  (Plus I am drinking wine and that doesn't always help)!!

Shit - shit - shit!!!  My visit to the doctor didn't go very well unfortunately.  Pathology results showed that the tumour was quite large, 6.6 cm and in the shape of dumbbells on the outer quandrant of the breast - the lymph nodes that were removed at the time of the surgery and which tested negative on the flash freeze, were now confirmed as positive per the pathology results.  So as you can imagine - things didn't go as I had hoped.  The cancer was quite invasive and had spread to the chest wall.  There is ongoing pathology testing of the tissue to look at other areas.  The fact that the tumour was more than 5 cm means  chemo and radiation for sure.  6 - 8 sessions of chemo (1 every three weeks) and 5 weeks of radiation - every day, 5 days per week.

Lobular cancer is not something that is easily detected - it is difficult to read on a mammogram and is 'sneaky'.  There is some discussion in the cancer world now about whether or not a flash freeze is the way to go when dealing with lobular cancer - because obviously the answer is not always there and it is difficult on the patient to get good news one day and then be told later that the information was incorrect. They are constantly learning and I guess through patients like myself, as I become part of the statistics, the answers will come.  So please - if you see the slightest change in your breast - check it out!!

The outcome of the results mean that I have to have more surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes under my left arm.  Surgery will take place in approx two weeks, with another six weeks of healing before they can start the chemotherepy.  I will have to also have cat scan on chest, stomach and pelvis, plus a bone scan.  Surgery will take place at Womens College Hospital and so I will have to do another pre-op - blood work etc.  So appointments and more appointments coming up.    I am pretty devastated.  That was my biggest fear - that I would have lymphodema in the arm and it would swell and that my hand would swell and that I might have to wear an elastic stocking on my arm.  I just dread the thought.  But what can I do?  I have to move forward and take it one day at a time.

The good news for today is that the drain is out - yipee!!  It was almost like a friend - I took it with me wherever I went - but it was starting to come out on its own and it then becomes ineffective.  So the nurses, Frances and Maggie, will be disappointed when I tell them the doc took it out - they were looking forward to doing it - Maggie being the trainee and wanting some practice.  Oh well - too bad for them!

I woke up feeling emotional today - cried for no reason on a couple of occasions.  I guess I should have been prepared for bad news, but I wasn't - I was feeling very positive and feel like have been hit with a plank of wood (Goerge would say 2 by 4).

I had Nicole and Maureen with me, thank goodness, someone with a level head to ask the questions that wouldn't come into my mind.  Thanks so much to them for being there with and for me.

The ink would be smudging if I was writing with pen and paper - the tears can't seem to stop - but tomorrow is another day.  Plus we drove through a rainbow on the way home and we felt it was a good sign - no pot of gold - but hope (like my hydrangea).

J

I think it was Tuesday

Well its Tuesday - what Tuesday - I didn't see it - got up at 10:00 - checked my emails etc., had a sandwich and then lay down on the couch and closed my eyes - woke up at 6:00 pm!!!  Can't believe it, I am sleeping my life away.

So obviously not much happened today.

Confirmed appointment for tomorrow - moved from 2 pm till 3 pm.  I will meet my friend there and Nicole will be there also.  So the notetakers will be present.

Wound feeling 'tight' today - not real pain, just discomfort - guess everything is pulling as it is healing.  I am ready for it to be done!  Until the drain comes out I will not be feeling comfortable in a bra - so a few weeks to go yet before I start feeling 'normal' I think.

Well - I will be back tomorrow and fill you in on what the doc has to say.

J

Monday - the start of a new week.  However, to me it is just another day - can't believe how quickly the days and weeks go by.  I spent some time reading outside today - enjoying the weather - it was so lovely.  Then I had a nap this afternoon - well - more than a nap - I got up at 7:30!!  George and I are like ships that pass in the night - I get up at 7:30 and he goes to bed at 8:30.

Today I was supposed to see the surgeon for my follow up visit - but they called Friday to tell me the pathology results were not yet in and postponed the appointment till October 11th.  However, I hoped when I called this morning that they may have heard something and perhaps I could go in after all.  Well it didn't quite happen that way, but the docs secretary called me later today and said the results were finally in and could I go in on Wednesday.  So I was relieved that I didn't have to wait until Oct 11.  Relieved, but nervous at the same time.  I hadn't thought about being nervous - I figured the cancer was now gone and I would have to go through the chemo and radiation and then I was done.  Well, now I am nervous about what they are about to tell me. Is it ok if I say 'shit'!!  I just need to right now.

Nurse came this morning - Shannon - she's great.  She checked he drainage area and didn't think it was infected, although it feels like it is - she also check the incision and pulled the tape off - low and behold no stitches, no staples - just the tape holding everything today - so it was great - it has healed very well and nothing to pull out!

I heard back from my old school friend's brother Allan yesterday - it was good to hear from him and find out about his family and how they are doing.  He gave me contact info. about Carol and so I have everything I need to contact her.  She is in New Zealand and doing well apparently.

Well - tomorrow is another day - we shall see what that brings.

J

The weekend is over

Sunday night and just about ready to go to bed.
Nicole was here today and helped me with changing the bed, vacuuming etc. and then we went out for her to get her hair done - cut, coloured etc. and it looks amazing.

We had to rush back home because my friend Yvonne was coming over and bringing with her lasagna and a dessert!  Great - I didn't have to cook.  We had a great visit - a glass of wine and a good chat.  And dinner was fab.  Tiramisu for dessert! Yum (now that's Italian)!

I will be calling the doctor tomorrow just to see if I can go in and see her.  The drainage area is painful today and I am wondering if it is infected.  The tube was blocked I think - one has to 'milk' the tube to clear out any blockage and there was quite a bit of gunk built up in there - so it is starting to feel a little better now that everything is flowing as it should be now.  (Don't want to put people off, but am telling it like it is).  This is getting me down a bit now.

Nothing else new to report.  Let's see what comes up tomorrow.


J

The best legs in town!

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cos I've just got paid.....  loved Sam Cook!!

It was a good day - up a bit earlier today - cleaned up the kitchen - checked my email - love getting emails!
Spoke with my sister in the UK - and my next door neighbour came by to ask me if I wanted a run out.

So that is what I did - we drove to Cobourg - checked out some new homes - always fun.  Then we checked out the shops and stopped for coffee etc. I didn't buy anything, but it was very nice.  The weather was great and it felt good just to be out and about.  I tire very easily though - I could have used a nap when I got home, but Nicole was on her way and basically it was supper time.

So here I am at 9:00 pm and trying to keep awake to get this done.  We ate a very bad supper - Mary Brown chicken - tasted "finger lickin' good" - oh sorry - wrong chicken place.  "Best legs in town", is what we had.

I bet I gain 10 lbs before returning to work - I have to try really hard not to.

Things are OK - still hate the drain and the wound is still tender - and I am sure people must think I am weird because I keep feeling my left breast - pushing it into the right place.

Nicole wants me to talk about how fantastic she is - and yes - I would agree - she is fantastic - we will confirm how fantastic she is tomorrow, when I ask her to do some jobs for me!!

My grand-dog Steve is visiting showing off his new collar - supporting breast cancer!!  What a good dog he is!  He likes 'the best legs in town' as well!!


Jeaninne 'out'!

Not a lot to report today - rainy lazy day.

Felt like I had been run down by a truck today - it seems I have one good day and one bad.    I am fed up with the drainage tube - it bothers me and I wish it was gone.
Drs office called today and cancelled my appointment with surgeon on Monday - pathology report not yet back.  I might call Monday and go in and see her anyway - I am sort of in limbo at the moment not knowing what the next step is and when I should be seeing the oncologist etc.  It is two weeks post surgery today.
The nurse isn't sure if I have to have stitches out  - whether they are disposable or what - there were no orders for them in that regard.  So not sure what to do.

Oh well - tomorrow is another day - will see what that brings - hopefully sunshine.


Talk to you tomorrow.


Jeaninne

Blast from the Past

(one of Allan's pieces of art)

Thursday - I am getting lost with the days - could have sworn I wrote something for today, but couldn't find it anywhere so I guess I didnt.

I had lunch today with a work friend, Christeena.  She picked me up and we drove to Port Perry.  Went to the Piano Cafe - enjoyed the food and the conversation - and managed to get a parking spot right outside the restaurant.  It was a lovely day and I was wishing we had more time - but Christeena had plans to travel to Rochester NY later in the afternoon - these younguns - that would have been a 'planned trip' for me - she is just off to see her cousin in new york state - no big deal!!

So my plan was to sit outside and read my book and enjoy the sunshine - but guess what --- yes you are correct - I got stuck on the computer.

I started to google search some people from my past - school day friends etc.  Somehow got onto the Washington historic society website - Washington being my home town.  I found the name of a school friend in the Washington Trinity Church archives on the day of her wedding - well I started looking for myself 'cos I was married in that church.  There we were - George and Jeaninne, married August 12, 1967.  There were 5 people in the listing of people that showed up in that time period that I went to school with.  Names from the past - got me thinking!    I had a good friend growing up and hadn't had any contact with her for many many years - so I googled her brother because he used to work in Washington - he is a Potter - and ran a gallery in the Art Centre.  Well he is still around - working from his home now and producing wonderful art.  So managed to track down an email address and sent him an email asking about his sister.  I knew Allan quite well -I used to babysit his kids - used to think his wife was beautiful and they were young and hip and I was very impressionable - I remember his bathroom was wallpapered in 'newsprint and all kinds of cut out pictures' - thought it was very cool!

Anyway - I have sent off an email, asking about his sister Carol and I hope we can reconnect after all these years.   We were very good friends - I used to go on vacation with her and her family and spent some time in London UK staying with her older sister who was an actress - anoth er world in my mind.  She had a house in Hampstead Heath which was very high class to me in those days.  We went to  Plymouth, Devonshire and stayed at a place for Army personnel - I remember Carol had broken her arm and couldn't swim in the ocean, which was a big disappointment - we used to go to the tv room at night and eat smarties - there were big armchairs and we would suck the chocolate out of the smarties and line up the casings on the chair arm - and have a competition as to who would have the most 'whole' casings.  The things you did as kids - we 'lived' as well - not a worry in the world about germs!!!

Carol and I used to take elocution lessons together - we used to go into the city of Newcastle after school - have coffee in the 'News Theatre' coffee shop before going to our lessons - and thinking we were 'something'.  The coffee used to be served in silver coffee pots - and you got to pour your own in the proper coffee cups (of course you always got more than one cup)!   We were probably a sight for sore eyes because we had ink all over our fingers from the 'pen and ink' we used at school which was embedded into our fingers - we probably looked like a couple of scruffs!  But we felt pretty good - we would have our  coffee and toasted teacake and then go to our lessons in one of the 'big posh houses' in Newcastle.  It used to be very dark and musty smelling,  and the teacher was very old fashioned - but we were taught how to walk with good posture (yes the books were balanced on our heads) - and yes - we used to repeat 'the rain in spain stays mainly on the plain'!!  All very corny, but I felt privileged, because my parents gave up a lot to let me do that!! (We are talking about the early 60's)!!

Well ... phew - I got myself carried away there didn't I.  Took myself way back.  So I guess I will now wait and see if I hear anything back from Carol's brother Allan.

So - basically that is my day.  George in bed now - just finished off the wine and now need a snack.  Probably a bowl of cereal.

Night night - talk to you tomorrow!
Jeaninne

Hump day

It is a brighter day - not necessarily weather wise.
Sorry I didn't check in yesterday - just didn't feel I had anything to say.  It was an odd day - I was tired, but couldn't sleep - I had a headache and I just didn't want to moan!  I was also feeling sorry for myself because I should have been on a plane to Seattle to a business conference.  I had been looking forward to it for quite some time - Seattle is a place I have always wanted to see.  Oh well - wasn't meant to be.

It is hump day today - middle of the week - I have to keep reminding myself what day it is - one runs into another.

The nurse came today with her sidekick (trainee).  She always calls ahead and asks if we needed to have a shower - means the damp dressings don't sit on the wounds for very long.  I told her I had a 'PTA' wash today (showered yesterday) - she was confused about what type of wash that was - I had learned the term from the nurse last week - it means 'Pits, Tits and Ass'  - I had to laugh - my term is usually 'tops and tails' - so that was a new one for me - new for Frances as well.

Frances is a hoot - she always has a story to tell George - not sure he listens because I am sure he tunes her out just like he does me - but today it was the story of her new I-phone and how it has a life of its own and she has no idea how to work it!  I had to laugh - I told her she was too old for the I-phone - if you are over 40 you shouldn't be using one anyway - what's wrong with 1 button for hello and 1 for goodbye!!!  She thought it should have come with a 10 year old child to teach her how to use it!  Of course for instructions you had to go 'on-line' - just crazy for us older folks!  Secretly I want one too because I get jealous of my girlfriend and my daughter texting each other and checking out things on the internet, taking pictures and getting directions,etc.  But one step at a time - still getting used to having my own computer.

Wound is healing very well - they think the doc did a good job.  I do have a bit of trouble from time to time, particularly when in bed - it depends how I hold the arm and move - sometimes something catches and stings - not sure what is it - like something is pulling.  I guess it is early days yet for everything to be as it should be.

My neighbour Dianne brought in home-made butternut squash soup today - so that is what I had for lunch today.

They are digging up my street today - so off outside to see what they are up too.  Houses around 30 years old now and so he water mains are wearing out - perhaps they are replacing them.

I'll come back later.
TTFN  (ta ta for now)



I'm back - had a little shopping spree - needed to get some fresh air and wanted to buy myself a treat.  I had a $25 coupon from Penningtons and so wanted to check out some tops to wear - as you can imagine it is a bit of a scary thing - of course I feel like I have a big red sign above my head saying "only one boob"!!   I felt awkward, trying to find things that would deflect from my "most bountiful area".  I did find a couple of things - very conscious about the neckline and how 'normal' it might look.  So I came home quite happy with what I bought - there was a sale - buy two items and get third for free - so that, with the $25 off, was a good deal.

I am feeling very emotional writing this - I guess this is part of the process and I will get used go it - but it is all very new.

Well - shaking myself up - time to cook some dinner.   I know it is still September, but we are having Octoberfest sausages tonight - lol!

Talk to you tomorrow!

Monday Monday (remember that song by the Mamas and Papas)!

Slept till almost noon - I don't know what is wrong with me!  It is amazing how fatigued I get.

Nurse came today - thought incision looked good (compliments of Doctor Cil).  Drainage is lessoning every day so pretty soon I will be able to get rid of that tube etc.

Feeling a bit more energetic today also - I guess getting up at noon helps with that!!

Took a ride out and took care of some business - paid some bills, got my 'disabled' sticker' - felt like a fraud 'cos the knee is good since I have been resting it and taking pain meds - but I know once I come off the pain meds and get back to normal it will be back.  So doctor signed off the form and I may as well take advantage of it.  I also picked up some groceries - so all in all a productive day.

Here's the Monday song - can you here me singing?  !!!

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how could you leave and not take me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, ...

Sunday without sleep

A quiet day today - feeling quite good now that I have taken my pain pill, so going to have myself a run out.  A little shopping therapy should do the trick - however, the item I need isn't very thrilling, but necessary.
We need a new toilet seat - I didn't break it and I won't say who did, but there is only George and I in the house!!

I could get one that plays music when you sit on it - but to be truthful we have that now!!  Or something wooden perhaps??  No, I don't think so - we do not have the 'country' look. - so to go with my usual style - something classy and comfortable!!  So I will be off and get back to tell you what I bought!

Oh, by the way -since this is about my cancer journey -  I am still feeling a bit sore, but the drainage is much less and I am getting closer to the day when they will be pulling out the tube.  I think they will have to give me a bullet to bite on when the time comes - it is going to hurt like hell!!  George was demonstrating this morning about how to do it with one big tug!!  Yikes.  Perhaps I had better get the wine out before the nurse comes that day.

Well I am back from my shopping spree - 1 toilet seat - and that was enough for me.  I guess I am not as fit as I think I am.  I was exhausted when I got home - no energy for browsing.  It is a very ordinary toilet seat - nothing fancy since we need to change the toilet anyway.

So that was my adventures of the day.

Time for dinner - serving George a 3 course meal (lol):

• crackers
• Nicole's pumpkin/sweetpotato/curry soup
• left over sheppards pie with peas and potatoes.

He wasn't too pleased with the menu because he has been dying to snack on the sheppards pie all day and I wouldn't let him.

That's pretty much it for today - we will see what tomorrow brings.  No nap today, so likely an early night.

J

Ladies that Lunch

Hi there

George just gone up to bed so I can write till my heart's content!

Didn't get back to this last night - but I had a very nice visit with Kunpriye from the office - she came after work - wouldn't let me do a thing - even get the gingerale bottle out of the fridge.  We had a good chat and George was almost back to his normal self with his joking around.

Today I had a lovely visit from my two musketeers - Shirley G and Collete.  They brought lunch and we dined in the dining room.  (I cleaned up before I went in for surgery - I hadn't seen the table cloth in a while - it has become the overflow from the kitchen for George's office)!     So it was nice to be able to site in the dining room - Yeah for Mainly Cheese!

They came loaded up with a huge card full of signatures from people at work and letting me know of everyone's generosity of enough money to get a cleaning service to come into the house a few times.  Wow what a great idea - As much as there are days when I feel quite well and do things with my good arm - it catches up on me a day or so later.  So I am thrilled with this idea.  Thank you so much everyone.

I am going to have to watch out for my job though - that Shirley is after taking over.  You all know that I am known far and wide for my poetry writing skills, well that wee scottish lassie thinks she can take over my job while I am indisposed ....I have to share what she wrote in a card she and Colette brought with them - that card is two little girls decked out in jewellery and hats and dressed to the nines .....

This is what she wrote:

We took our picture
Us two girls
Shirley's in the glasses
Colette's in pearls

We wanted to give you
A great big smile
When you see our cuteness
And our sense of style

Friendship means
We stick together
'Cause after all
We're birds of a feather

All for One
And One for all
The Three Musketeers
That's what we're called!!

You have to really see the card - it is so great.

Just kidding Shirley - happy you can follow in my footsteps 'on a temporary basis'!!!  :)

I was tired though - I started to wilt at the table - so they were observant enough to not outstay their welcome and I went to bed right after they left.

(How boring am I?_

Nurse came today - it was one of the regular nurses that has been coming in to see George for the past year or so - she knows us very well and it didn't seem so stressful for me.  Things seem to be healing well - I don't know how it is supposed to feel - the wound is a little tender, especially under the arm area - but I guess that is normal.  I haven't been taking many pain meds, but felt the need this afternoon and I must admit I am feeling a little better now.

 I have discovered the game Mahjong and spent the morning glued to the computer   - I couldn't believe where the time went.  I am going to have to watch myself - it is addictive.  But at least I am sitting in one place and not dashing around here and there.

Nicole checked in a couple of times today - I have told her to stay home this weekend so that she get her own stuff done and pay some attention to Steve - so I think she will be taking him to the park.

We are fine - have plenty of food in the house and there is nothing we need.

Signing off now.  Going to read my huge card and all the comments and then hit the sack.

Love to all

Day 7 - no nurse today

Feeling a little sore today - I guess it is part of the healing process - some swelling around the drain tube area and under the arm.  I did my exercises when I got up and will do them again during the day.  Drainage fluid emptied and measured - seems to be diminishing slightly but nowhere near ready to be removed.  It is like carrying a pocket watch around - I keep checking it for time, but to no avail!! (just kidding)    This morning I decided to keep the fluid container in my bra in the breast cavity - showing off to George that I was starting to "grow a new boob"!  He just shakes his head at me, but I got a smile.  I am obviously devastated, but humour helps me through the tough times.

My good neighbour Gary came over this morning to install a couple of safety bars in the shower - so he has just left and I am so pleased and relieved -it just makes it so much easier getting in and out of the shower now - George doesn't have good balance and there are times when I don't either.  Of course I was up and down the stairs half a dozen times just to tell him exactly where they should go - he wasn't taking any chances that I might complain - he is obviously used to taking strict instructions from Dianne his wife!!  Am I lucky or what to have such great neighbours!!  Now I have the clean up - good reason now to force me to clean the bathtub.  Nicole bought me one of those scrunchy things on the end of a pole for bathtub cleaning, so I get to use it today for the first time - I promise I will use my good arm!

I am doing laundry and so not sitting around acting like a 'patient' - but the bed is calling my name now - so think I might have my nap.

I may or may not be back today - but I will check in tomorrow.

J

Day 6

September 14th.

Slept late today .. Maureen up early as usual and working in my garden.  She pulled out the summer plants out front that were pretty dead (have been neglected the last few weeks).

The plan today is to go out to buy some mums and other flowers etc. for the planters out front and decorate for the fall.

Did I tell you I have amazing friends?!!

Off we go to Vandermeer nurseries - picked out some planters that had already been made up - two for the wrought iron planters and 1 with a couple of extra fillers for the window boxes at the garage.  They were great - providing some colour and interest rather just regular mums.  We were happy with our choices.

We then went for lunch to Debbie's in Ajax - looking forward to some homemade soup and tea.  We walked into the restaurant and Maureen spotted a very old friend of hers - coincidentally having lunch with a girlfriend who was undergoing treatment for cancer.  Maureen's friend had recently lost her husband and here she was supporting a friend through her treatment, just the same as Maureen was doing for me.   The friend had had a brain tumor removed and had undergone radiation - the radiation had caused a skin cancer on her head and so she had to have a further bout of radiation to counteract the new cancer.  There is always someone worse off, no matter what it is you are going through.  She was strong and had a positive attitude and looked great with a hairpiece made especially for her to go with her own hair.

On the other side of the restaurant there was a fellow that used to work at Messier-Dowty - Reg Creed and his wife.  Reg is long since retired and has a wheelchair now to help him get about.  I went up to him to say hello - it was a little while before he realized who I was but got it in the end.  He is doing quite well - good to see him out and about.  They were with a friend of their's who turned out to the Ron Barlow's wife (another Messier-Dowty employee) who I know quite well.  Small world - a very small restaurant with three tables filled and we knew people at two of the tables.  Nice to have the feeling of being part of the neighbourhood!

Got home around 2 pm and I am wilting - legs a little shaky and ready for my afternoon nap.  Maureen did the planting - looks great by the way - and then got on her way home to Peterborough.

I am thankful for all the help Maureen gave both me and George and to Bruce for 'sparing' his wife for a few days so that she could be with us.

So it is George and I on our own now - helping each other.  George seems to be feeling a little better, although the legs are still giving him problems.  We'll be fine though.

Spoke with my sister Margaret today - she has been away for a while and we were unable to make contact with each other - it was good to finally speak with her and she was relieved to hear that I am doing OK.  Always good to speak to my sisters.

The nurse came today and checked the drainage tube - looks like it will be in for a while yet - I was hoping for the drainage to be reduced quite a bit by now, but it doesn't appear to be going down any.  I have to empty and measure the fluids and I try to do it every 12 hours or so.  Got myself a little excel spreadsheet going to keep track.

Gary, my next door neighbour, came over this evening - he is going to install a couple of hand/grab bars in the bathtub tomorrow for us.  We had spoken about it a while ago and his wife Dianne volunteered him for the job and so he came over to make sure he knows what is involved.  I have had the one bar for years, but we never got around to putting it up.  I ran out to Canadian Tire tonight to get a second bar to put on the shower wall to grab when getting into the shower - so it will be great to have them, especially for George who is unsteady on his legs.  Don't I have great neighbours!!

Watching survivor - a good time to be stuck home recuperating when all the new good tv shows are back  on.

Bye for now - just about ready for bed.

Early days of recovery

Tuesday, September 13th

Sleeping well - not much pain - Maureen taking good care of me.

My house is filled with flowers - I feel very spoiled and a little bit of a fraud because I am feeling pretty good.

I had a bit of a scare on Saturday night after watching television - I got some flashing in my right eye - sort of like triangular mirrors of black and white, which lasted for about 10 minutes.  After calling tele health and googling - the family determined I might be either having a stroke or detached retina!  So they made my go to the hospital.  So home from Mount Sinai on Saturday afternoon and sitting in the waiting room at Oshawa General on Saturday night.  The dr. didn't think there was anything serious going on but suggested I see an opthamologist to be on the safe side.  It was 2:30 in the morning when Nicole and I got home - a very busy day.  Needless to say I slept very well.

So today was my follow up appointment with the opthamologist - and thank goodness he confirmed all is well with my eyes.  One less thing to worry about.

I was able to do a little grocery shopping and stop for a cup of coffee - but tired by the time I got home.  Ready for a nap.  Yesterday I slept for 3 hours in the afternoon.

Community care is coming every Monday/Wednesday and Friday and we got the same care program as George has - so the nurses are familiar with us having visited George over the last year or so.

I still have a drainage tube in my breast and have to check the amount of fluid twice a day.  It has to get down to 15 cc in a 24 hour period before they will remove the drain.  So not ready to remove yet.

I will not know what 'stage' the cancer was, or how extensive it was until the pathology report comes back and that takes about 1 month.  I will have followup with surgeon on 26th and so get to ask a few questions then.  Not sure what the next stage is at this point - prior to surgery she told me it would be chemo for 6 sessions (3 weeks apart) and then radiation for 5 weeks, 5 days a week.  I don't know if the plan will be the same.  I will have to meet with an oncologist to determine the next course of action.

The days are passing very quickly - George seems to be feeling a little better about things - he is relieved the surgery is over - trying not to think about what is next.

I am not sure how I will cope with the 'look' of my clothing etc. particularly when coming back to work, but this is time to think about options and you never know, the start of a new business venture!  The sewing machine is coming out that's for sure.

Well my maidservant is working in the kitchen, peeling vegetables etc. and getting dinner ready - ahhh - the life of the rich and famous (or breastless)!!!

love you

Post surgery

September 12th ....  it is a beautiful day - I am sitting here writing my blog - getting waited on hand and foot by my girlfriend Maureen - just having a lovely chicken sandwich and a glass of milk (no wine on the menu yet)!

Surgery is over, the breast is gone and I am hoping the cancer has gone with it!  Obviously waiting for pathology report from the surgery, but I feel a sense of relief.

September 9th - surgery day!

I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 on Friday morning - early morning check in!  We had been up at 4 am - Brandon stayed over at the house to drive George and I downtown.  I was relieved the surgery was at Mount Sinai because they keep mastectomy patients in overnight afterwards.  The only hospital to do so, it is normally day surgery everywhere else.  I was taken to the 'wardrobe department' where I changed into the beautiful blue gowns - given a very stylish hat and matching socks and was allowed to wait in the day surgery waiting room with the family - Nicole had met us at the hospital.  After all the joking around about the new outfit we determined that the women looked better in these outfits than the men - skirts are definitely better on women!

I was called to have the first procedure - a die injection into the sentinal nodes under the arm - this tracks where the nodes are and makes it easy for the Dr to find.   It stung like a bee sting.  They injected die into two areas and then I was about a 20 minute in a cat scan type machine - I guess photographing the area and checking to make sure the dye was working.  The pain diminished quite quickly and I was allowed to go back to the waiting room.

Surgery was delayed about 1 hour - I did not seem nervous - it is funny - all during the time between diagnosis and surgery I was not nervous.  I felt it was inevitable for me to go through this process.  That it had been coming for a long time and now it was here.  Even walking down to the OR, the nurse holding my arm was pulling me back and telling me to take it easy - weird!

I had already spoken to the anaesthatist and he explained what he was going to do.  He was very nice and although he was just the resident, I felt in safe hands.  I got myself on to the table in the OR - everyone was milling around getting things ready - it was a hive of activity.  Dr Cil came to see me - she seemed perky and confident and I spoke to her about my concerns that perhaps I should have thought about having both breasts removed - she explained there was absolutely no reason for concern in the other breast and that was something we would talk about at a later date.

They wasted no time trying to find a vein to put in the IV - my veins was hiding - even on the good arm.  They explained that because of having nothing to eat or drink the veins were collapsing due to dehydration - I didn't know that that occurred.  Anyway obviously they found one because that was the last thing I remembered and when I woke up the IV  was in the other arm.

I came to in the recovery room - it was like a dream - watching a movie - people milling around - it was like an out of body experience - I wasnt quite with it - spoke to a beautiful girl named Karen - she was taking good care of me.  All I wanted was my morning coffee!!

The Dr came in and said everything went very well - she seemed really happy and that is when she told me she didn't have to take the lymphnodes from my arm - she took the two to test and they were clear and so didn't have to do anything more.  She had a big smile on her face and I was so relieved.  Still groggy I closed my eyes for a few seconds and next time I opened them there was my husband and son at my bedside - both with silly grins on their faces - I said 'you look sooo good'!  They came with me to my room on the 11th floor - it was like checking into a 5 star hotel (sort of) - it was a large room with wall to wall windows and there was the CN Tower right in front of me.

It was over - reality crept in - I realized there was a deep cavity in my chest where my breast had been and which now was the new me!  I wasn't angry or sad - again just the realization that things would never be the same for me - but if this is what it took for the cancer to be gone, then so be it.

It was a long night - family had gone home and I watched the clock dozing in and out of sleep - at some point I thought the clock had stopped - I seemed to sleep for an hour, but when I woke up it was one minute later.  My roommate was very nice - we had a nice little chat and seemed to have a mutual respect for one another.  The nurses were kind and pleased with my progress - peeing by oneself is a huge step apparently!  No after effects from the anaesthetic, no nausea - so I was good.

Morning came and all I could think about was breakfast - a cup of coffee and something tasty.  Well I waited and waited and it turns out it wasn't a 5 star place after all!  They forgot me at breakfast!!  The nurse had to get me a tray later and it was awful - rubbery bagel - piece of cheese and tea.  The morning nurse was great - we hit it off right away and became fast friends.  Nicole came in around 9 am with a great cup of coffee and I was now happy!  There was no rush for me to leave - I had to wait for the home care people to come in and so we just enjoyed our chat.  Nicole has been amazing through all of this and I couldn't have asked for better care over the weekend.

All of my family have been amazing and without them I don't know how I would have gotten through it all.  The prayers and good wishes from all of my friends and family have been very powerful for me and it was this power that got me through even the toughest moments.  Thanks to everyone.

So on to the next phase.....

Nurse coming in half an hour to check on the dressing etc.

I am eating canteloupe, chocolate, having tea and coffee and feeling very spoiled.

The initial diognosis

I am starting my blog today - but doing some catch up on what has happened to this point.  It has been a journey already!

I chose the hydrangea - I love the flower - I can't grow them very well - but I live in hope.  The same way as I live in hope that one day I will be cancer free.   I am willing to share my story with anyone who needs to hear it and to go through the journey with them.

In late May/early June timeframe I had a slight discomfort in my left breast - some pain and the feeling like something had 'burst' - like a cist or something.  Then I noticed a change in my breast - an indentation on the inside and then a change on the underneath area.  I immediately called my breast specialist for an appointment.  I had an issue in 2002 with calcifications and had lumpectomy surgery at that time to remove the affected area.  I was diagnosed with A-typical cells (pre pre-cancer cells were present) which were removed.  I had followed up with regular appointments/mammograms and regular checkups.  My last mammogram was May 2010 with no issues and my last checkup with my breast specialist was October 2010 - no issues mentioned.

July 5th - appointment with breast specialist - discussed my concerns and the changes in my breast - she scheduled mammogram and ultrasound.

July 21st, 2011

Arrived for mammogram at Women's College Hospital.  After the mammogram I was moved to a room to undergo an ultrasound.  Whilst undergoing the ultrasound, the radiologist came into the room - asked me how I was and explained that she had seen something of concern on the mammogram that she didn't like and thought 'it was cancer' and needed to do a biopsy that day.  She said to come back after lunch and they would do it right there and then.  I got dressed - went down to the cafeteria and got a cup of coffee - the coffee cup was almost empty by the time I got to my seat - my hand was shaking so much as the nerves got the better of me.  I was there alone and already had been told I likely had cancer!  After lunch - the radiologist performed the biopsy and took four samples of tissue - I asked 'what do you see there doc" - she told me she saw 'cancer'!

I was there alone - definitely shaken up and a little stunned.  I went up to the 7th floor to the breast centre and asked for an appointment with my breast specialist, Dr. Lickley for later that week to get the results of the pathology tests.  Dr. Lickley agreed to see me on the Thursday of that week as her last appointment - she was going on vacation for 3 weeks after that.  She spoke to me and said 'not to worry' about the biopsy - they were routine and it could mean nothing.  I told her that the radiologist had already told me it was 'cancer'!  She was stunned.

In the meantime I had a call from the mri department that they had scheduled an mri.

August 3rd

Breast MRI was quite the experience - I had to lay on the equipment on my tummy, with my boobs hanging down into the cavity of the machine and my head resting on the headrest!  Not so easy when you are a large person.  It was extremely uncomfortable and I knew I would be there for at least 20 minutes.   (That was the time the previous patient had been on the machine).  I was concerned about being able to fit into the machine (when you are a large person all these things worry you).  The nurse was very kind, although she did weigh me to make sure I did not exceed the limits.  She helped me get as comfortable as possible and then you are 'stuck' there for the duration of the test.  They gave me headphones but the noise level is unbelieveable - it does sound like a contruction zone. Banging and clanging in different sequences.  Just when you think it is over - another sequence  of banging starts.  It turns out I was in that machine for approx. 40 minutes.  You have no concept of time - you either think you are in for 2 minutes or 20 minutes - you have no ldea.  40 minutes - aren't I lucky!


August 8th, 2011

Today I met with the surgeon, Dr. Cil, a young woman, with great credentials and a lovely calm personality. I liked her right away.  I had no doubt that she would be my surgeon.  She read the pathology report of the previous biopsy and MRI report - explained that the cancer was a 'tricky' type - not easy to detect and could show up in different places.  The biopsy had been done at 4 o-clock and the cancer had been diagnosed/confirmed.  The cancer was confirmed as  'lobular carcinoma'.  This cancer is one of  the least common breast cancers, being at 10'% of breast cancer cases, as opposed to 'ductal' cancer which is 90% of the cases.

Dr. Cil, after reading the reports, determined there was another area of concern at the 8 - 10 o-clock position and she did a fine needle biopsy there and then.

We discussed the type of surgery options that were available to me, ie lumpectomy or mastectomy and at first I was excited to think that it might not be as bad as I initially thought and when asked what I thought, I explained that it would be great if I didnt have to lose my whole breast, if I could retain some of my upper breast/cleavage area.

It turned out that the fine needle biopsy what 'undiagnosable' and that she wanted me to have another biopsy under mammogram of that 8-10 oclock area.


August 16, 2011

Another day of testing at Women's College Hospital.  Turned out to be a day of trauma - stress and frustration for me.

My first test was an ultrasound - the radiologist kept me waiting 45 mins or so laying on the bed alone in the room - he finally came in and started talking to me about a mammogram I had in February (which I hadn`t had) and said "for someone of such a young age" .... I am wondering at that point if he is looking at me - obviously I was not the patient he was talking about - at that point the technologist corrected him and said he was looking at the wrong file!  OK he is now back on track and conducting the ultrasound.  Showed me on the mammogram the areas of concern and how they had changed since the previous mammogram.  He now explained that he was going to do a biopsy under mammogram.  (Which is what I went in for in the first place)  They get me set up in the room - had to lay on a table on my right side, with my left breast placed in the machine and my arm above my head.  They tightened me in and told me to remain still.  As you can imagine, it is most uncomfortable and one has to almost go somewhere else in your head to get yourself through it.  They froze the breast and started taking samples of tissue.  They had explained they were going to place a marker in the breast for identifying area of concern for future mammograms or for the surgeon.  So the probe was inserted - painful - they had to give me more freezing - and I could hear the Dr and Technologist discussing that how it should be done - matching the red and yellow bars etc.   They were  now checking the images and couldn`t find the marker - said there was lots of blood around and perhaps it was hiding - she had mentioned earlier that it could move around.  They finished taking the samples of tissue and then I was done.  The technologist moved me away from the machine and the Dr showed me the bloody probe and there was the marker - it had failed to deploy from the probe.  Dr Au proceeded to berate the technologist for doing it wrong.  (Not the best thing to do in front of the patient).

I was then being moved away from the machine, still lying flat on my back, when the technologist pressed a lever and the head end of the table collapsed and I slid off the table hitting my head on the ground and banging my leg on the mammogram machine or something.  There I was - on the floor - stunned - rubbing my head and my leg - not knowing what the heck happened.

All panic broke loose in the room - the dr asked for help and he was asking the technologist `what have you done`!!  She was also stunned.  Others came into the room - one nice lady, very concerned.  They got me sitting up in the chair - asked if I wanted an x-ray - Dr. took my pulse.  My head seemed to be fine but my leg was painful and had already started to bruise.  The lead floor nurse came into the room and explained to the technologist that when dealing with someone ``with weight`` - when trying to get them to sit up - one must hold on to the head end of the bed to avoid tipping.  Of course I corrected her that no-one was attempting to sit up, that I was still flat on my back and was not moving.  The Dr. also commented that a `smaller`person such as himself could sit on the end and it wouldn`t tip - and proceeded to demonstrate.  Of course it did not tip when the lever(brake) was on, but when released, it did tip just the same.  So, not only am I dropped off the table, they are insinuating that it was because of my weight that it happened.  I was livid.   I just wanted to get out of their but had yet to undergo another mammogram standing up.  They told me an incident report would be written up.  Good thing!

George had been waiting the lobby all this time - they wanted to get him - but of course I didn`t want him anywhere near them.  I had been at the hospital from 9:20 am and it is not 1:45  !  They were concerned letting me go - wanted me to hang around for a while.  I promised them I would have a cup of coffee and hang around for half an hour or so before leaving to go home.

My confidence is waning as you can imagine at this point.  And I am p.....ed off!!
Nicole after a couple days of thinking about what had happened to me and also got a little angry, so much so she decided to call patient services at WCH and voiced her concerns.  An investigation was made into why the table had collapsed and she did confirm that the incident report had been made.  Apparently a sticky note used to be on the table giving instructions on operating the table - the sticky kept falling off and eventually was taken off altogether - there was no sticky on at the time of my fall.  They have replaced the 'sticky' with a permanent sign!

August 29th, 2011

Today is my meeting with Dr. Cil to get test results and schedule surgery.  Dr. Cil's first day back from her 2 week vacation.  We were last patients of the day and were a little 'cookie' by the time we got in to see her.  The Middleton's as usual handle things with humour and this day was no exception.  Maureen and Nicole were with me and Mary Mandel came in to see us - we had a little love fest and shared a few jokes.  Mary has been wonderful and wanted to wait around until after my appointment, but unfortunately it was so late she couldn't hang around any longer

We were greeted initially my 'Mark' - the tall young irishman assisting Dr. Cil - he went over the paperwork and tried to tell me the results of the recent biopsies - he was very brave putting up with the three giddy women he was confronted with - Nicole offered to show him her breasts if he was interested and I had to put my hand up and confirm I was the patient!!!  It was funny.  Dr. Cil then came in and explained things to me - turns out the biopsy Dr. Au did (falling off the table day) was  not what she requested - he had not biopsied the area she had wanted, however did biopsy behind an existing scar and discovered the cancer was there also.  So basically the cancer was in two places in my breast at this point and the doctor felt that it was very likely in the third. She offered to do another quick biopsy if I needed to be sure - but  I said no - let's get the show on the road and bet it gone!!  So surgery was scheduled for Friday, September 9th at 10:00 at Mount Sinai.